This is a follow up to my letter to my father (see previous blog). My father chose not to be a father, and my mom let him make that choice. I struggle with whether or not I think that is ok. Should a man have a choice as to whether or not he will be in his child's life? When a man and woman sleep together they are both equally making the decision to have sex (duh, I know). Most do not consider children in the process. Well when a girl ends up pregnant she ultimately can choose to keep the child or abort. A man at this point has no choice, his life is wavering while he waits for the girl to make a decision. He could choose to run for the hills, but then he is a bad guy in everyones eyes. I have always questioned if a guy should have an option. If a woman can ultimately choose whether or not to have an abortion when she finds out she is pregnant, she is deciding whether or not she wants to be a mom. Should a guy have a choice? Is the only answer that people just should not be having sex unless they are ready to be parents? That is beyond unrealistic, the world is not going to stop having sex because they fear pregnancy. So what is the answer? Does a guy deserve a choice?Sometimes I think maybe he should have a choice, even in the situation I'm in, I still think that. What would ideally happen if he made the choice was that he would then be available to contact later on in life just so the child could know who he is. I know that once a man is in the child's life there are financial expectations, and maybe that is why some run, or maybe its because they just made a mistake or aren't ready. Who knows.
Also, on the other side, when a girl makes a choice to abort should a man have a say? Unfortunately he really does not. You cannot force a girl to carry a child for 9 months.
I'm really curious how other people feel about these situations...share your thoughts please!!
**Took the picture of some random website. Googled "father", so in no way is this man related to the post. He is a hottie though ;) wink wink!
4 comments:
I read in a previous post about your family that your mother will not tell you who your father is. So are you sure that he made the choice not to be a father? While my parents were married I have let me father know that moms raised me as a single parent because he really was NEVER there. As I have gotten older I have observed women keep the father of their children from their fathers. And vice versa. To address your topic I thing it isn't unreasonable for people not to have children with someone they are not ready to have a child with. I am guilty, I had a child with a man I THOUGHT would be a great father, turns out I wasn't right about that. But there are so many other methods other than abortion out there to prevent unplanned/wanted pregnancies topics like this would no longer be addressed. I for one am a firm advocate for the IUD. We as women need to take responsbility for our selves, our bodies because in the majority of the cases we will be the main stay in a childs life rather married or not. #tipsybloghopping. I do love your digs!
Alicia
It's a tough situation. I'm a strong believer in women's choice, but I imagine it must be terrifying to be the guy in this situation. Just waiting to find out if you're going to have a child or not...
and the first thing I thought when I read this post, before I even got to the words was "who is that hottie? I want!"
Molly...totally agree he's a hottie lol. He's stealing the spotlight.
Alicia you make some great points. thank you for your compliment also. From everything I have been told he gave her money to take care of it and she came back home to my grandparents. She had gone half way across the US to rebel lol. I definitely am an advocate for using protection and being smart but things happen so many times and I'm sure the choice is hard each time for people. I give you a lot of credit for dealing with a tough situation where someone wasn't what you thought.
But men do have a choice--at the point of conception. Safe, effective birth control is readily available. Men who don't want children can easily avoid becoming fathers. This is 2010, not 1867.
What would giving men a "choice" after conception mean in practice? In some cases, it would mean giving men the right to force--or at least pressure--women into having abortions against their will. In other cases, it could mean forcing women to give birth against their will. Either way, it would be a disaster for women.
Giving men a choice after conception inevitably takes control of women's bodies away from women and gives it to men. There's just no way around it.
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