Saturday, July 17, 2010

Men who choose not to be fathers

This is a follow up to my letter to my father (see previous blog). My father chose not to be a father, and my mom let him make that choice. I struggle with whether or not I think that is ok. Should a man have a choice as to whether or not he will be in his child's life? When a man and woman sleep together they are both equally making the decision to have sex (duh, I know). Most do not consider children in the process. Well when a girl ends up pregnant she ultimately can choose to keep the child or abort. A man at this point has no choice, his life is wavering while he waits for the girl to make a decision. He could choose to run for the hills, but then he is a bad guy in everyones eyes. I have always questioned if a guy should have an option. If a woman can ultimately choose whether or not to have an abortion when she finds out she is pregnant, she is deciding whether or not she wants to be a mom. Should a guy have a choice? Is the only answer that people just should not be having sex unless they are ready to be parents? That is beyond unrealistic, the world is not going to stop having sex because they fear pregnancy. So what is the answer? Does a guy deserve a choice?

Sometimes I think maybe he should have a choice, even in the situation I'm in, I still think that. What would ideally happen if he made the choice was that he would then be available to contact later on in life just so the child could know who he is. I know that once a man is in the child's life there are financial expectations, and maybe that is why some run, or maybe its because they just made a mistake or aren't ready. Who knows.

Also, on the other side, when a girl makes a choice to abort should a man have a say? Unfortunately he really does not. You cannot force a girl to carry a child for 9 months.

I'm really curious how other people feel about these situations...share your thoughts please!!

**Took the picture of some random website. Googled "father", so in no way is this man related to the post. He is a hottie though ;) wink wink!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I know you do not know me. In fact you might not even know I exist. I know you were probably young and not ready to have me, but shit happens. I happened, and my mother kept me. I am 27 years old and every one of those years I have wondered about you. Did you ever wonder if I was alive? Did you ever wonder if my mother kept me? Sometimes I wonder what you are like. Sometimes I wonder if I have siblings. If I had siblings I do not know how I would feel about it. My sister is the only sibling I want and need. She's amazing and I love her. When I was younger I always held out hope that somehow you would find your way into my life. I have a step father, and he is a waste of space.

I have never once called someone dad in my life because I technically never had one. It is awkward to tell people that you do not know a parent, and then expect them to think you're still normal. When I think about it, not having a parent seems really traumatizing and just all out sad. I feel like I should have gotten an MTV reality show or something out of this lol. All I got was this t-shirt, just kidding! I always really wanted to be able to call someone dad. I will never have that opportunity.

Without you, I grew a whole mess of male issues. I trust the wrong men because I want acceptance. The only man I can truly say who has always been there for me and loved me unconditionally is my grandfather. He was the closest thing to a father that I'll ever have.  My grandfather was amazing, I think he knew that I needed a positive role model and he stepped up and was a friend. I need that. My grandparents took your place because you couldn't be a real man and step up when you found out.

I'm going to be 28 this year and it seems pretty surreal to think that I will never ever know who my father was. I wish I could say that by now it really just does not matter, but I do not think I will ever be able to say that. I know I will always wonder and I will always take it personally. I take rejection to heart because you taught me rejection before I was even born. I grew up with the sick need to do things perfectly or be too afraid to do them. They say that you are who you are because of what you have been through. I cannot say that not having a father did anything positive, its just given me issues I have had to deal with my entire life. The things I have been through that have effected me positively had nothing to do with your absence.


P.S. You totally missed out, I was like the cutest kid ever!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Enough said...

The top one is from @TheFifty50 and I love it, but I didn't get the full third panel so here is what it's suppose to look like!! I will most definitely get a shirt that has this on it like ASAP!!
Also, NO I am NOT an alcoholic I'm just TWENTY-SEVEN years old and FINALLY enjoying my life!!Effen Black Cherry + Tonic = <3 of my life. Jameson shot=WTF why?!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Is MTV encouraging teenage pregnancy?

What is up with this Teen Mom show on MTV? There is one girl on there that needs to get shaken. Her and her baby daddy cannot get along but she is a little devilish thing, always throwing fits in front of her poor little baby. Another young girl is living with the boy who is a total lazy bum and they have no business faking a relationship. He does not even act like a father.I hate watching this because it makes me sad BUT of course I'll continue to watch because I'm a true reality tv addict.

I am so torn on whether or not I like that MTV keeps doing all these teen pregnancy and parenting shows. On one hand it shows how tough it is to have a child and how much your social life is out the window, but it also shows these kids being bratty, disrespectful and getting by on government aid. I also really do not like that it shows grandparents taking care of the kids so much, it sends the message that kids can have babies and just play with them when they want.I wish they showed the success with the struggle, I feel bad for all these kids who drop out of school and just seem so unhappy.

There was one Teen Mom I was watching and this young couple got engaged, they are maybe 17. I just wish these poor kids would let themselves grow up so they wouldn't get stuck in time. Its like kids have to prove that they are grown up so they have to do adult things. The best advice my mom EVER gave me was to not do everything when you're young because you won't have anything left to enjoy when you're older. I took that to heart and was a good kid who took my time enjoying life.

My mom had me right after she turned 20 and I remember being with my grandparents for a large part of my childhood so my mom could work. I respect the hard work she did but I remember she still went out and lived her life and dated. I felt secondary to her and primary to my grandparents a lot of the time.I get what these kids will grow up feeling like and honestly I don't agree with it. A bond is formed with a child at a young age and if the parents aren't grown up enough to make the bond they may never be able to get it back.

Nycole's Baked Mac & Cheese

I've decided it is about time that I get my cooking game up so eventually I can get married and not be a Peggy Bundy! I absolutely love baked mac and cheese so I watched you tube videos all day and none of the recipes completely grabbed me so I just took pieces from like 5 different ones and I did this on my own. It was really good. Next time I'd for sure use just a tad less sharp cheddar just cause its not my fave. I'd use another white cheese.
Here's how I did it! Please let me know if you try it. I'd love to know how it turns out!! Good Luck! 

  • 3 tbsp butter
  • 3 tbsp flour
  • 2 cups milk 
  • 1 tbsp salt (put a little more when I was tasting)
  • 2 eggs
  • a little garlic 
  • TONS OF CHEESE lol (like 3-4 bags of your choice of cheese) 
  • 2 cups of cooked elbow noodles

  1. Make a rue (the base to make the cheese sause work). Put your butter and flour together, over medium heat on the stove. Mix them up and get the butter all melted. 
  2. Add your milk. Then mix the milk and the rue until the rue is no longer chunky.
  3. Add 1 tbsp salt
  4. Add about 3-4 bags of shredded cheese (my preference is to have some cheddar, some italian, montery jack, and just having fun trying something different each time). Stir cheese in at medium heat so it doesn't melt too quickly. You want a nice thick sauce. IMPORTANT LEAVE SOME CHEESE FOR A TOP LAYER (you can use a 5th bag).
  5. Add 2 eggs. Keep stirring everything together this will make it nice and thick so you'll have more of a casserole dish them a creamy dish.
  6. Taste the mix and add garlic and salt to your liking. I know garlic is not a norm, but I love it in this dish.
  7. Put your cooked noodles in your casserole dish and then poor the cheese mix on top. Mix everything together. Put a layer of cheese on top and you're all good to go!!  
  8. Cook at 350 for about 35 minutes :) (check throughout you want a little brown but not burnt)
This is super cheesy and in no way a health food dish. I wouldn't recommend this too often or your poor little arteries will cry! Best thing about this is that it still tastes good for a few days of leftovers! 

Quick update: I'm on day 4 of eating it and I'm still loving it :) Today is the last day though lol!!

Friday, July 9, 2010

I'm lucky to have my family

Quite often I'm reminded of how amazing my family is because their support for me never ceases when I need it. For example today my grandma paid for a car repair that I needed. I of course will pay her back but how awesome is that that she was there for me all the way in Ohio. My grandmother is an amazing person and I do not know what I would do without her. In fact I think I wouldn't be a whole person anymore. She knows more about me than anyone else and she supports everything I do and loves me unconditionally. I am very excited my grandmother will be coming to Chicago not this Saturday but next and we'll do all sorts of fun Chicago stuff. I'm praying that it's not a bazillion degrees like it is right now!! I cannot stand the hot weather and I do not want my grandma to have to deal with it. No rain either. One year it rained so much when she visited that her train was delayed a day which was fun cause we had another day to hang. What's really cool about this year is that she's visiting for a few days and then we are going back to Ohio together to see her sister and my great aunt Ruth Anne. I have some fun stuff planned for us while she's here. I love showing her a good time and not letting her pay for anything. My grandma is truly amazing and I respect and admire her so much.

My grandfather is really cool, he's the ZZ Tops looking guy in the blue hawaiian type shirt. He took me to so many major concerts in my life and exposed me to a lot of great artists and opened my mind to seeing things in life differently. Man we saw Tom Petty, Aerosmith (twice), Rolling Stones, Bush, Ozzfest, Smoking Grooves Tour (twice), Alanis Morisette, wow I could go on forever. The first concert we saw was Willie Nelson at the Lorain County Fair. We even waited till after and like climbed a fence to meet him and get his autograph. I have his autograph somewhere on a red bandana. Seriously my grandpa is so cool!! He rocks at Jeopardy, has to be the smartest person I know. He knows so much stuff its really cool. When I was little I'd go to Lorenzo's this pizza place in Oberlin, OH with my grandparents and my grandpa and I would play the jukebox and play name that tune. I use to always play Bad to the Bone, I was religious with that song...loved it. Oh speaking of which I use to sing it into my little playstation tape recorder. I hope someone finds those and plays them at my wedding haha. I'd be embarrassed but come on I was a junior rock star, inside I'd be proud!! I look forward to seeing my grandpa in a few weeks.
My mother who is the lovely lady with my sister in the picture, you know the lady with the large hair situation. My mother is half black so she has always had this larger than life hair situation. I mean if she likes it I love it...and by love it I mean my sister and I love to tease her about it. My mother and I have been through it all, we've done more than our fair share of fighting and not talking to each other. We are both stubborn and it doesn't match well. Honestly I will always have a tough time because she will not tell me who my father is. I have always resented that about her a bit even though I hate to admit it and I hate to hold that in. I love my mom of course but will always have hurt. I look forward to seeing her in a few weeks and hanging out. When my mom, sister and I get together we are a bunch of hilarious assholes. We are always joking and laughing and have a great time. My family makes me laugh and keeps me sane while at times making me insane.

My sister, who just turned 19 (which means I'm old) is awesome. I think she's the coolest kid (which she no longer is) and have always admired her talents and strength. We have different fathers and neither of us like her father, total waste of space.She is now living with her boyfriend, so very mature, I'm not even there yet lol!! She finished massage therapy school and works pt. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she passes her test and can start her massage therapy career, so proud of her!! I am super siked to see her when I go home. When we get together its a total force to be reckoned with, we are assholes. We have a plan to go to Walmart and find people to submit to that wonderful Walmart site.

Ok that was a serious family rant, but they are great. That is why I got my last tattoo it signifies the importance of each of these individuals. My leg looks all weird in the pic but I absolutely LOVE this tattoo. It feels very Angelina Jolie bad ass to me ;)

XI XXI- My bday
VII II- Callie's bday
X VI- Moms bday
VIII XXII- Grandmas bday
IX XX- Grandpas bday

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Big Brother: New Season

Alright so here is the new cast. Hottie of the season I'm going to say is Brendon, but why are there never sexy black men...epic fail!! Two IL folks so I'll try to like and cheer for them. I think being on Big Brother would be fun, I should try out for that someday. I'd probably be the bitch of the house :)

Seasons cast:
  • Rachel Reilly, 26 – VIP Cocktail Waitress – Las Vegas, NV
  • Kristen Bitting, 24 – Boutique Manager – Philadelphia, PA
  • Britney Haynes, 22 – Hotel Sales Manager – Huntington, AR
  • Monet Stunson, 24 – Model – Glen Carbon, IL
  • Brendon Villegas, 30 – High School Swim Coach – Riverside, CA
  • Andrew Gordon, 39 – Podiatrist – Miami, FL
  • Enzo Palumbo, 32 – Insurance Adjuster – Bayonne, NJ
  • Kathy Hillis, 40 – Deputy Sheriff – Texarkana, AR
  • Annie Whittington, 27 – Bartender – Tampa, FL
  • Matt Hoffman, 32 – Web Designer – Elgin, IL
  • Lane Elenburg, 24 – Oil Rig Salesman – Decatur, TX
  • Ragan Fox, 34 – College ProfessorLos Angeles, CA
  • Hayden Moss, 24 – College Student, Athlete – Tempe, AZ
So far my faves are: Annie, Brendon, and Matt

My least faves: So far I like everyone, although the redhead seems pretty clueless.

Some information snagged from: Big Brother Network

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Myth Busting: Online classes are NOT easy!!

I cannot tell you how many times I have read or heard that online classes are easy. So NOT true!! In fact I'd say it is much harder than regular classes on campus. I have done both so I have the inside track. I got my Bachelors in the classroom and am getting my Masters online.

In a classroom you have the benefit of listening to your teacher teach you the important topics, reading is secondary, teachers have office hours, study groups with classmates and typically there are study guides to help you review. In the world of online learning you don't ever hear your teacher teach, you teach yourself by reading. So far I have had 3-4 books to read per class which is a lot in just 8 weeks. Online you don't have study groups to benefit from. You have weekly papers and daily discussion forums. There are a lot of points and you've got to do everything well to succeed. You have to be so self disciplined and dedicated to wanting to succeed.

I have successfully completed semester 1 with a 4.0 to show for it. I'm very excited about that. I enjoy online learning because you have opportunities to learn through your classmates experiences. Each week you must participate in discussion forums Monday thru Thursday. In those discussions everyone relates the learning to their real life which makes what we read that much more useful.

I would highly recommend online learning to people who can focus on their own. You have to be self sufficient and be able to self motivate. It is not cheap so make sure it is for you.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Dear Chicago

Dear Chicago,

Why is nothing 24 hours? You're so boring sometimes! There are very few restaurants, like no stores, some gyms and that is about it. I also feel like bars should be open later. Ohhhh...and my biggest gripe sidewalk seating at bars should be open past like 10:30pm. What a buzz kill when you have to go inside.

Chicago, I <3 but="" it="" lets="" p="" step="" up="" you="">


Taste of Chicago is a crazy time

On the way to the Taste Wednesday we passed the giant eyeball being worked on. This thing is pretty insane but really pretty cool!! I <3 Chicago weirdness!

Then the next bit of randomness was this. Honestly the Taste of Chicago is pretty cool, mainly because I love people watching. Wednesday was fun. Hairbangers Ball was not as good as they were at our schools fundraiser.
Saw this license plate on the way to the taste. I like! I also super like the car lol!!

First day I went to the Taste the crowd was not bad at all. Second day it was horrible. I went to get a funnel cake, because the Taste is not a complete experience without one and there were about 100 people in line!! One crazy chic who started bitching at my friend because he slightly bumped her. People like that are the reason why people are getting killed everyday in this city. People who got something to prove, like they are the toughest thing around!

Not only are some of the people just rude for no reason, but a god 1/2 of them are totally random as hell! I was sitting there enjoying my funnel cake with my friend and I see a teenager sitting her weird self in a baby stroller. I doubt highly that any baby appreciates your funky butt in their chair. Then there is this girl who is wearing a micro mini walking into the Taste. I saw so many poorly fitting clothes in just two days then I have seen maybe ever. I am inspired to do a Fashion Hell Nos blog. I wish parents would start to look at what their kids wore when they left the house, or not let them buy poorly fitting clothes in the first place.

I heart the Evoque

Beautiful new car that I will own someday!

Enough said. Before I own this though I want to own a Terrain which is super cute and I have to still rock the GMC brand which is a family thing. When you have a close family member work for a company all their life you totally rep that brand. I have been loving and driving General Motors since 15 1/2!!I hate those little rack things on the top though, I don't want that!

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