Sunday, September 23, 2012

Accepting a lie is accepting your own defeat

Accepting a liars lies is like accepting your own defeat. Don't let someone beat you by letting them lie to you. -Nycole aka me 

For the most part we have all been hurt before by someone we loved or cared for deeply. Whether that person be a significant other, family member or friend. Whether or not someone has the ability to hurt us depends on whether or not we give that person power to do so. I've been thinking about this a lot yesterday because I had quite the text blow out with an ex after believing some things he told me about the future and wanting to try again but then finding stuff online which obviously showed he was not so sincere. 

Sometimes I think we let people lie to us because we hope and pray that they don't really mean it or it's just a one time thing. But at what point does the one time mistake get old when you continue to use that excuse for a liar. I think I've let people lie to me because I take some blame for the reason they're lying. It is not the brightest thing I have done but I am not perfect and I have chosen to believe someone who says they care but shows the opposite.  After doing much thinking I realized I didn't miss this actual person or want that actual person back in my life I just wanted the feeling that I use to feel when I was with them. Sometimes people can be replaceable but the feeling is the one we need to fight for and look for in someone else.
I personally do not understand why people lie to those that they tell they love. What is the point of uttering those words if they are just a lie or a cover up? Why are people so afraid to stand alone in life that they hurt other just to keep them there while they plan their next move? It's not acceptable and I think people should take responsibility for the pain they cause others.

We as people need to be stronger and not accept the lies we know people are telling us. Even if its a tiny lie about where they were or why they are late, there is a reason they are lying. Most likely it leads to something much bigger that could break you if and when you find it out. We have to leave relationships as winners even if it hurts like hell in the moment. It's better to take momentary pain then permanent scaring. 

Sunday, September 2, 2012

The Value of a Life Coach

A problem cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness in which it was created.”                                                                                                                                                - Albert Einstein

For several years I have always considered and toyed around with the idea of getting a life coach. I love the idea of having someone give you feedback and help you create a path. It's something I always thought about but never moved on until a few months back. I felt very stuck in life and really needed to make a move but needed something different to motivate me and push me in the right direction. I started to research life coaching in Chicago. What I found was that it is a pretty expensive service. I then decided to dig a bit deeper and found a Facebook site where several different life coaches were offering free series of sessions in return for your testimonial and feedback. I love things like that. I don't have the money to toss away right now with moving so being able to take advantage of a really helpful service for free is awesome. More things need to be like that in the world. There are things we all need or would benefit from greatly but miss out on because we cannot afford it. So often these things are things that can help us! 

I chose a coach named Greg, who interestingly enough lives in Australia. I have spoken with him on the phone three times and he has been a really helpful tool. He started by getting an idea of what I wanted from my life and what I needed to make those adjustments and achieve what I wanted. We took a look into my past to get a feel for why I am how I am today. I am and have always been a perfectionist, so badly that to me I only see perfection and failure. I don't see a middle ground within myself. I am by far my own worst enemy. Greg and I are working on seeing the difference between something not being a failure if it doesn't go the way you want but instead just using the result you get as feedback to keep moving forward. It sounds very simple but we all have behaviors that we are pretty attached to that won't just change overnight even when we know they aren't the best for us. I have found that it's very important to not skip over trying something because you aren't sure you can perfect it. There is a lot of worth in going after something and getting feedback but continuing to work for it. Not even time you swing the bat, are you going to hit a home run. Sometimes you'll hit a triple and you'll have made progress to where you want to be. Something less than what you set out to achieve isn't failure it's progress or feedback. I honestly love having these conversations with Greg because he opens me up to a lot of really great ways to see the world. 

Each and every one of us has something we do not like about ourselves and could benefit from the help or assistance from others to make us better. For me a life coach is something that can make me a better all around person. Some people need a trainer, psychologist or whatever it may be. The point is that needing someone to help give you the push or path to guide you to where you want to be isn't a bad thing. Reaching out to make yourself better is only a good thing. The real weakness is thinking you can take on the world on your own. Success, happiness, world domination...or whatever it is you're seeking all takes time and we can only be better at what we do when we are open to figuring out the best possible way to make things happen!  If you have ever considered seeing a life coach or asking someone for advice but think you'll seem weak I urge you to shake that feeling and talk to someone. You might already be great, but what is the harm in continuing to get better?

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