This topic comes to mind after having a conversation with an ex-boyfriend. He was actually a guy I dated in high school, who I haven't spoke with in years. I was 17 years old and he was 21 if I remember right, saucy huh. Anyhow, as soon as we broke up he started dating this other girl, who I believe already had a child. I was definitely over him pretty quickly, but I always felt bad because I always felt like he wasn't happy with the girl. I hate seeing friends unhappy in relationships. It feels like you're losing someone you care about to some type of conformity. Like they think it's some sort of "time" to settle down. Then there are others that settling down just happens to, mainly because kids enter the mix. Anyhow, this guy is in his early 30s now, unmarried with the same woman from 10 years ago, they have three kids together and one of hers from before.
I feel so bad for people who are stuck. But really are we ever stuck or are we just afraid of facing reality? I hate when people put themselves in situations knowing they are settling for less then they want and deserve. A good friend of mine recently told me she is considering dating a man who is rude and mean to her because he has family money and she needs to hurry and have kids. I told her she is so much better than that and she should find happiness. Why would someone voluntarily settle? I admit I have a sincere fear of being alone and would hate to end up without someone. I do not know if I would end up settling though just to avoid it. Settling seems so sad. What if while you settled Mr./Mrs. Right came by and you were already stuck?
I also think a lot of people settle because dating is so frustrating. Maybe it's just me that thinks that dating is frustrating but it really is. I mean you go out on date and after date and meet people who all have their own story that they are crafting so that you'll like them and many times it is only to get something from you. I am pretty frustrated when it comes to dating because I hate being lied to, it just seems so pointless. Not only that but I am known for wearing my heart on my sleeve, and it has taken some serious hits over the past few years. Part of me wants to stop trying because it's exhausting, but I don't want to settle with being alone either.
Why do people settle?
9 comments:
Don't worry, Dating is frustrating for me too. It's so hard to find someone who is smart and loyal and intelligent and willing to put up with me. But settling has never been an option for me.
as Whitney Houston once sang "I'd rather be alone than unhappy."
I feel bad for those who settle because they are only hurting themselves in the long run.
I completely agree. No reason to settle, I think you end up more unhappy that way.
Settling is life.
that comment makes me think of yet another person who settled who i forgot to mention...
On my Knot List (things to do before I get married) I have the last one as "Never settle for anything less than butterflies"
Nikki Jo- I love the idea of a "knot list"!!
I've observed that a lot of women feel they have no worth if they don't have a man. They can be college educated, successful in their career, and still feel the need for a man to complete their life. Which, in essence, isn't something that totally wrong until you start settling for anything you can get in order to feel secure about yourself.
Kiera you're totally right. It's ok to want more and if a guy is part of that "more" than fine BUT you cannot just fill that void with any guy!
I amazes me how many people--especially younger people--still believe in The One. So many people have bought into this notion that they have a soulmate out there in the world someonwhere, someone who is just perfect for them, waiting.
Well, that's just childish. The One is a myth. The One is a lie. Don't bother waiting for The One, because he/she ain't comin'.
People need to grow the heck up, frankly. The reality is, no two people are perfectly compatible--not tempermentally, not sexually, not in terms of what they want in life. All relationships involve compromise, and even people you love to death are going to drive you nuts sometimes.
People "settle" because they are mature enough to understand this. They know better than to hold out for 100% compatibility. They know the best they're going to get is 80-85% compatibility. And that's okay! They can work with that.
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