5 words to describe me

Passionate
Stressed
Caring
Crazy
Silly

Interesting to think about...what are yours?

Why do we lie to each other?

I've spent a good deal of my life trying to please others and putting other people first, especially their feelings. A white lie here, a major lie there, it just seems so natural. I know I'm not alone on this, but the older I get the thought of lying just got old. I hate being lied to, and I use to always think some lies were ok to protect others. I'm not saying I'm going to completely stop protecting people by "skirting" around the truth, aka lying but I just don't think hiding stuff is worth it.

I think one of the biggest places lying comes into play unfortunately is in relationships. It starts from the beginning. If you say you'll call and don't or if you say you want to hang out again and don't. The worst is once you're in a relationships and lies about where you are start. I feel like so much time could be saved if we were more honest in relationships. I'm 27 years old, and really open to something serious and long term. There is no point to date just cause. If a guy doesn't have potential for the future then I think going our separate ways is fine. Better to have a few hurt feelings then a broken heart down the line.

16 and Pregnant...eek.

Wow is the first thing that comes to mind, after watching 16 and Pregnant for the first time. First of all, I can't even imagine being 27 and pregnant but wow, 16 is just too young. I feel sorry for these girls, and more so for the choices they have made to rob their own youth to have children so young. I think everyone should have a chance to have babies if they want, but its all about timing. I don't think 16 can ever be a right time. Now in my saying this, I'm not saying that a 16 year old can't be a good mom or dad I just think its too young. If you don't give yourself a chance to grow up, how are you going to be able to help your child navigate through their life. Being a teen is an important time of your life, it's a real learning experience and a time to mature. 

I can't believe how lightly some of these girls and boys were taking being a parent. It was very evident that they didn't even understand what it meant to be a parent. There was one young girl who told her child's father that he had to "love the person holding the baby", basically meaning he had to still want to be with her to be in the kids life. She pushed him out of the child's life, because he no longer wanted to be in hers. I don't think that's right. I also don't think it's ok for these kids to bail on one another. 

This girl from today really just made me sad, she had no grasp of responsibility. She laughed it off that her mother was doing everything. At one point in the show I even thought she was going to tell her mom she couldn't do it anymore and she had to get rid of the baby. She told her mom she needed help and she wanted to get things accomplished in her life. The real underlying message of that conversation was that she didn't want to have to be strapped down with the baby anymore, and that she wanted to continue to live her life. Seeing her walk out of the house and leave her child behind, was a really saddening moment. The fact that their are children out their having babies and taking no responsibility. 

Teen pregnancy is always going to be a problem.There is nothing about pregnant teenagers that stands out to me as acceptable. We have to motivate our youth to do better. Parents in today's society are "friends", and not always authority figures. I struggled a long time with this with my family. I saw my mom being more of a friend than a mother to my sister, and I deeply worried about my sister. She ended up being just fine, but I really think some kids need more of an upper hand and someone to tell them no and stick to it. Not all teenagers are born with the ability to make the right choices. Parents are suppose to teach their kids how to make the right choices, and take responsibility for what you do in life.

When a parent is void, or just standing by while their child grows up the person who suffers is the child. The parent becomes a bystander in the life of their child. This is also the reason so many kids turn to gangs. Children turn to gangs, and premature relationships because they are searching for an acceptance and love that they don't get at home. Regardless of how much kids push back, they'll always turn to someone who gives them guidance and accepts them. I wish that America had better ways to educate parents and prepare them. Young mothers should have to go through a certain amount of therapy or training before they can leave the hospital with a baby. Sounds pretty radical but it's something.

Not knowing my father...

When I was younger, I use to use not knowing my father as an excuse to be sad, angry or unwanted. The truth is I have no idea how to feel about it as an adult. My mother was 19 when she got pregnant and had me a month after she turned 20 years old. I'm not even sure if my father knew I existed, or was going to exist. My mother told me that my father told her he didn't want a child, and sent her off with money to get an abortion. I don't know if I believe this. My mother has fought tooth and nail with me, so she wouldn't have to tell me who he is.

I've always been angry at my mother because of this, but I'm starting to realize she was 19 years old and could have easily taken the easy way out. She didn't, I'm here, I'm thankful. My mother and I have never been super close and that makes me really sad, it's been tough for me especially in my adulthood. We try and we have made a relationship but it's still growing. I feel like there is just always something holding us back. There are so many things she doesn't know about me because I just don't feel comfortable talking to her. My grandmother on the other hand has always been there for me and has always been someone I can talk to. She knows everything about me. I love that I have someone I can trust. It does make me sad though that my mother isn't a person I can tell things. My sister, whose 9 years younger is a great girl and we're getting closer with each year that goes by. I'm also close with my grandfather who was a replacement father to put it best. He took me to concerts and taught me to be open to different things in life. We had a lot of fun. So really did I miss out by not having a father? I don't know if I did. 

From time to time, especially when having issues with men, I start to think about the what if's and what could have beens, if I'd known my father. I also have a horrible angry streak that forces me to feel like he owes me, and I shouldn't be in all the debt I'm in because he should have been a father and helped pay for it. But who am I kidding, I don't even know if this guy knows I'm alive. If he does, he's a coward. I can't imagine not wanting to know your own child. I don't know if I'll ever be at peace with the situation, because it's pretty confusing. Whenever I see those shows where people find their long lost family members, I honestly am envious. Even to just know what he looks like, what he does for a living, if he has a family, all of that might be fulfilling to know. But then I don't know if I'd be able to only know so much and then leave it alone. Life is full of so many unknowns, this might be the biggest one I've ever struggled with. It's a lifelong struggle. 

Some of the littlest things that you need a dad for, I won't have one there for. I won't have a father to walk me down the aisle, but I really think I'd love for my grandparents to do it. If I look back I can honestly say that no real moments passed me by that having a father could have made better.

Is it Spring yet?

When I was little I use to love the winter and the snow. Being bundled up in a snowsuit out in the cold weather with my grandparents and our dogs was the best. My grandparents have sled dogs, kind of like Alaska and the Iditarod. That reference usually creates the light bulb over the head moment for most. So I grew up traveling during winter weekends to different sled dog races in below zero temps. It was great to be a part of it, and such a unique experience.

 Winter use to be great, use to is the key word. As an adult I struggle to enjoy anything about the cold weather and snow. I honestly think the only salvageable positive qualities of the winter is cute winter coats, and cute boots. Chicago got hit with a medium snowstorm the other day, about 6-8 inches. From that small amount, I got stuck in my parking lot and had to miss work. Now this past week was by far the word week I've had at work since I've started almost two years ago so a day off wasn't the worst thing possible. The worst thing about it was the lazy maintenance staff and management of the apartment complex. I love how they choose not to clean snow until noon, really what good is it at noon. People have to go to work and if we're stuck till noon we've already had to take the day off!! I can't stand a neglectful landlord!! I can't wait to move from here. 

I digress, point being is that winter has never bothered me so much as it has this year. I wonder if a move to somewhere warm is in my future. Or maybe I just need someone to enjoy the winter months and festivities with. I can't imagine leaving Chicago, so maybe someone to enjoy this crazy weather with would be nice!! I really want to learn to snowboard, I need a partner in crime for that.

Is the Tiger Woods thing really still going on?

Good lord, are we really still giving 15 minutes to every woman who says she slept with Tiger Woods? I'd love to know how many of these women are lying!! I wonder what goes through the minds of these women when they choose to come forward. I honestly think these women think it'll sky rocket their fame. How does being someone's whore really seem like a platform to start a career? I'd have to think not only will they not be famous but how will they have successful careers? The novelty of being one of Tigers whore will eventually run out and whose going to hire women they can't trust who have no self respect? I guess the thing is he was only dating women without real careers anyhow so I guess they've got nothing to lose.

I can't imagine knowing someone who would do something like that. There are many times when you may run into a married man and not know he's married, but Tiger is a famous man whose very married. Women do this all the time with famous men. What is the appeal of being the other woman of a famous man? What if you never gain anything monetarily, is it a waste of time then? Ruining a marriage for nothing.