Day 8 - Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

I knew my 30 Day Blog Challenge would not be a consecutive 30 days, but hey I'm still doing it. 

Day 8 - Five things that are most important to you in a future mate...

ONE - GENUINE/HONEST I need someone that is real and authentic. Know what you want out of a relationship and present yourself that way. Don't talk the talk and run the other direction when it's time for you to deliver. Don't tell a woman you want a relationship and try to sleep with her on the first date. Be proud of who you are and represent yourself in an honest way.

TWO - GOAL DRIVEN Know what you want in your career and your future. Over the past year I have met so many men who live at home, just aren't sure, or are still chasing dreams without backup plans. Have plans. Dreams are great, chase them on the side or have a really damn solid plan to make it happen. Other goals are to have a nice home or live in a beautiful condo in the sky. Know where you want to be in 5, 10, 15 years. Could you imagine leaving your city? Do you want to live in a one bedroom forever? Plans, goals, dreams...have them! 

THREE - LOVING I don't want to ever guess if a man loves me or is in love with me. I want him to show me how he feels and tells me. I am very upfront with my feelings and I need the same in a partner. I want someone to go above and beyond. Do the little things as well as the big things. Know everything about me and care about my day. I don't want to get into some relationship that turns generic and boring. Love with everything you have. Give it your all. Grow what you have and enjoy every moment. 

FOUR - NOT A HOME BODY You only live once, get out and enjoy it. I love being out and about. I am not a home body at all. I'd prefer to be at a festival, event, having a drink or dinner. There is so much in life to experience and I have only just begun. I eventually need to get some traveling under my wing. I'd love to travel with someone. I absolutely love going to sporting events so I need someone who could go to a lot of games with me. Just getting out for a nice walk on the lake works too! It's just about living for the moment and enjoying life and all the options it has to offer. 

FIVE - PASSIONATE A relationship needs balance. We have to work on an emotional, mental and physical level. If we don't have passion and an undeniable spark we will get bored with each other sooner than later. Chemistry is extremely important. I dated someone in the past and my lack of attraction to him killed my interest in him. It made all the issues stand out more than ever. 

I really don't think any of these things are extremely difficult. I also, do not think I'm asking too much by wanting these things. I'm not asking for three homes, a fleet of cars and diamonds every month ;) All of those things wouldn't hurt, but hey a girl can do without them! One place to live, something for each of us to drive and a big fat ring when the time comes. Count me in. 

Day 7 - Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

With 31 knocking on my door I definitely thought I would be in a relationship by now. I thought I would have felt love by now and experienced life with a great man. Things definitely have not turned out that way. Instead, I spent my 20s, and 30th year worry about career and working and trying to find happiness and balance there.

I'm missing love and marriage. That hasn't entered my picture yet and it's something that I truly want and need in my life.

It's hard to plan for life when you're constantly growing and changing. I know that in my almost 9 years in Chicago I have changed significantly as a person. For this very reason I try really hard not to compare what I have to what I want. There is too much of a bummer factor. I am a perfectionist and not being where I want is a downer. I do know that the progress I have made as a professional and as a person is more than I could have imagined in my young life. Sometimes what you want comes when you need it and not when you want it. I know love will come, it might just not be the right time yet.

Day 6 - Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”.

SAY WHAT?? I know I'm doing this blog challenge, but I cannot even imagine how this quote is something people genuinely believe. How can you even judge this. I have a feeling that no one ever has the love life they really want, female or male. There is always something else that we want or crave. If you love his smile and how he treats you, he may be horrible in the sack. This is coming from the girl that believes in true love. I don't think there is an exact about anything in life. Thinking that way is setting yourself up for major failure. You have to know the things that make you happy and find a person that fits that puzzle best.

Honestly, I am the EXACT opposite of having exactly what I want in my love life. I have no love life in fact. I want one. I want real, genuine, forever love with great chemistry and passion. I have stupid memories of an ex that still loom over my heart to make sure it's not completely healed. This is nothing close to exactly what I want.

The exact love life I want...wow I don't even know how to describe it. Single isn't it though ha. I know it would include me married in a successful marriage with a great man who made an effort to make me smile and laugh everyday. A guy who knew everything about me and could never get enough of me. Those are just a few of the things I'd need to have exactly the love life I wanted.

Day 5 - Biggest misconception people have about single life

For some reason, people look at the single life as this glamorous life with endless possibilities. They envision dating someone different every night. One problem, you cannot just date whoever you want. Single life doesn't come with sparklers and fireworks. Single life comes with just as many, if not way more challenges. Dating is relatively impossible. Ok, that is an exaggeration. What is impossible is finding someone you want to date. Sure I could go on a date every single night with pretty much all men I have no interest in. Some women do that to get free meals, I am not that girl. I will not use someone for a free meal. 

People act like single people answer to no one so we can do whatever we want when we want. I mean, to an extent sure but we still have jobs and responsibilities. I think the people who normally have this opinion are those who settled way too early and never really went through a real stage of dating. Your 20s are for dating. Marriage shouldn't be allowed till after 25 years old. You have to figure so much out about yourself before you're truly prepared to settle down. Learn about life. Single isn't glamorous, give it a try. Experience the life. Learn about yourself. 

Day 4 - Your biggest fear as a single person

My biggest fear as a single person is that it's not just temporary but a permanent problem. In no way shape or form, is being single forever acceptable in my mind. At least not for me. I want the love and marriage lifestyle. It freaks me out to no end to think that I can want that so badly but have absolutely no real control over making it happen. I mean I guess at some point I could settle but then I wonder would I be happier settling for something I don't want or staying alone. 

I'm also afraid that if and when I meet someone that it won't last. That I'll give my all, my years, my heart, my life and then it just ends someday. I'm frightened that "till death do us part", will be more like till we can't stand each other or he cheats. As you can see, my level of trust in love and relationships is rather low. I base this off past experiences. I am extremely afraid of being hurt by someone. I wear my heart on my sleeve and probably give too much of myself to someone too early but I don't know how else to be. I don't mean sexually btw...just in case your wheels started to spin. It's silly but I start to imagine what a future could look like. To me, without that picture I don't know if I can date someone. I need to be able to picture them fitting with my future. I fear that it's so easy to picture me being married and having this beautiful ceremony but it's impossible to picture who the man is. I know when it's right he'll reveal himself, but will it be too late? Will I have already given up or settled?

Day 3 - Describe a moment/day when being single rocked

Day 3 of the Single Woman's 30 Day Blogging Challenge - Describe a moment/day when being single ROCKED. 

It rocks when I don't have to explain myself or answer to anyone. Specifically when a Friday night plan turns into an entire weekend of fun with friends. Honestly, I'd say for the most part I'd trade in my single card in a moment for the right man. 

Day 2 - Describe a moment/day when being single sucked.

Day 2 of the Single Woman's 30 Day Blogging Challenge - Describe a moment/day when being single sucked. 

This weekend. I'm not sure why, but I was really feeling the stress and pressure of being single this weekend. Maybe because I was thinking about my 31st birthday which is coming in a month. I don't necessarily have any ticking time clocks but my god I do not want to end up single and alone in the long run. I would love to meet someone and start dating them this year. Maybe 31 will be good luck for me. My 30th was great for professional and friendship purposes. 

Anytime when I see others together really happy it bums me out slightly because I want to have that and experience it. Learn what it's like. I genuinely have no idea what it's like to go on an amazing date with a man who cares about me. Yikes, I guess being single sucks more often then I might even want to admit. 

30 Day Challenge - Day 1 - Why are you still single

I have had some major writers block matched with lack of free time lately. I came across this really cool Single Woman's 30 Day Blogging Challenge. I decided to give it a go. Not promising that the 30 day challenge will be 30 consecutive days, but let's see what I can do. 

So here goes....Why am I single?
I love me, more than I love the idea of finding a partner right now. Don't get me wrong I want to be in love and get married someday. I have always wanted love and marriage. Happily ever after, all that stuff. I blame the Cosby's. I'm even ready for it and would welcome it into my life. Here is the thing, I thought I was ready my entire life but when I turned 30 I realized I couldn't have become the person I am if I would have found Mr. Right earlier in life. I'm one of those women who gives someone my all when I'm dating them. When I was younger I use to let dating and relationships interfere with other things I had going on in life. I have always worked hard to grow professionally but the older I get the more involved I get and the more I grow as a person. I don't think I could have done that or pushed myself if I was with someone and focusing on them and making something work. I don't think it's bad to be a woman who gives a man her all. I do think it's important to find a balance, and I think I finally understand what that means.

There is something to be said for the old saying, that god has a plan for each of us. I'm not religious but I do believe there are powers beyond us that have certain plans in place for us. With that being said I know myself and I know that love in my 20s could have had the power to derail my career and my progress. I know this in part because my ex almost derailed me. I'm still not over him and have mini relapses of judgement where I remember "the good times" and conveniently forget the bad. When things with him ended I pushed myself to start my freelance work and to get involved in more things that made me happy. I built stronger friendships with the people who meant the most to me and got closer to great new friends. Stressing about him was no longer at the center of my world. We dated long distance and I would skip events or not attend events just to Skype with him at night. I just didn't know how to separate myself from a relationship in my 20s. 

Now that I'm 30, I'm ready. I'm comfortable knowing what I want professionally and knowing who I am. Almost 31, and still single because at this point in my life it is not about settling quickly. I like to say that the focus goes from Mr. Perfect to "Mr. Right for my life situation and goals". I continue to meet men who were like me in my 20s...just not there. Not sure of who they are, what they want or how to treat a woman. I'll pass. There was even a man older than me who wanted me to be patient while he got his life together. Although I considered it because he was a good guy I realized I have to stop sacrificing my happiness by wasting time. When do I get the fun romantic dates that other girls get regularly.  I deserve it, so it's time to find it and stop making pit stops on the way with men who only occupy time. 

If you'd like to learn more about the type of man I'm looking for and how I feel about dating checklists please checkout SecretLivesChi.com a brand new singles blog I co-founded. Happy reading.

Fave Five Friday

These are a few of my favorite things from this past week...

1. MAIZY!! - Meet my new little boxer girl. She is a purebred AKC registered boxer. We got her certificate today. She is a joy and a terror. Enjoying trying to figure this all out.

2. Friends - My two awesome friends Sharrell and Erin have been great with Maizy. They drove 3+ hours there and back to get her and bring her home. Erin even drove around with us so I could run a few errands this week. Yikes...good friends are so valuable. Thanks, girls! 

3. Family - It was my moms birthday this past week but this week she got her cool card which she really liked and that made me happy. Also, my nephew who I love Skyping with. His birthday is in a few days and I got him some stuff I think he'll love. He melts my heart everytime we're on the phone and he says Love You!! He wanted to name Maizy, Apple Puppy after his bunny who he named Apply Bunny lol. 

4. Friendly people- My new apartment mid-rise has the friendliest people working here. I am literally shocked at how day and night the difference is between my last place and this place. Everyone is so friendly and helpful and just loves Maizy! Glad I'm here. (And there are like two cute guys I've already scoped who live here.)

5. Restaurants that deliver- I haven't been able to really shop or cook much since Maizy has been here so it's been a HUGE help!! 

Happy Friday!!