Not too long ago I worked in a school where this was a real life issue. A male teacher had an "alleged" affair with a high school girl, he was late 20s she was about 16 or 17 years old. There was nothing glamorous about the situation or what happened afterwards once the truth came to light. The lives of both people were ruined. Students were confused and placed blame on their fellow student because they did not understand just how wrong it was. Knowing that teenagers don't get that its wrong and they are quick to blame their peers is very disturbing to me. It seems like every month there is a new story of a male or female teacher taking advantage of a student. I remember when I was 17, I dated a 21 year old which seemed ok at the time, but I see just how wrong it was now that I'm older. It's not like the guy was buying me booze, I was a goodie goodie so I wasn't after all of that but just the shear fact that he was that much older when I was in high school was a tad much. Parents need to teach their kids about dating beyond the 5 minute birds and bees conversation. The fact that high school crushes are turning into full blown sexual relationships between students and teachers is just wrong.
Life Unexpected is a show on The CW where a troubled girl who grew up bouncing around the foster care system finds her parents. I think she's about 14 on the show, and they have her in a relationship with a brand new teacher who must be early to mid 20s. They hooked up before she knew he was a teacher and once they both found out they could not stay away from each other even though they knew it was wrong. They even went as far to go to another town so they could have a date and be out in public holding hands and being a couple. It seems so inappropriate to be showing this to a targeted age group of teenage girls. It is romanticizing student teacher relationships.
A good friend of mine and I were having this discussion the other day, and we both had very similar views that something needs to be done to stop things like this from happening. The problem is, there is no easy answer. Do you put a cap on how young new teachers are that deal with high school kids? Maybe. Understandably when you say that the first thing people think is that its typically happening with older male teachers, I don't agree. That's what we hear about in the media the most, but if you really look into the news you will see many more "relationships" with young teachers and high school students. When considering restrictions where does it end though. There are many talented young adults that work with kids and would never consider violating them.
There are so many kids out there having a tough time at home and they look to another adult for attention and acceptance. Where does a teacher or school worker draw the line when a student is coming to them? I think a teacher can be a mentor, but I do not think they can ever meet off school grounds. They can meet in school, before or after school or during lunch or study hall. Teachers and students have to use their best judgement in order not to set themselves up for a tough situation. What is the point where the line is crossed? Is it when a student and teacher are meeting daily, is it when they're hugging, what is that point? I think teachers need to all go through thorough training before they are hired, and every so often about appropriate behavior with students and colleagues. What are some other ways to stop relationships like this from happening?
10 comments:
That's kind of disturbing. I don't watch this show, but I watched Dawson's Creek back in the day and remember the female teacher/male student storyline, supposedly different, but it's the same thing.
These portrayals in pop culture make it seem glamourous though, you are right. Essentially, male or female, anyone seeking a relationship with someone under 18 is a pedophile and should be treated as such. Even if the relationship seems consensual, the older person should know better.
Emjaye- I totally forgot about Dawson's Creek! You're right I remember Pacey and that teacher.
I completely agree with you. When you're under 18, you think you know everything. It's not till years later that you really think about what you did as a kid. I just can't imagine how 20 somethings are having relationships with students. I don't care if you're that close in age. My sister told me about a teacher who was a sub at her school, he use to flirt with girls and the moment they graduated ask them out. That's gross too!!
I wince a little when I run accross men my age or older (I am 41) who consistently date women who are much younger than them. I wince because I believe I know why they're doing it. Sure, they like sex with nubile young bodies. But they also like women they see as less saavy, less experienced about life, women who (they believe) are easier to manipulate and control.
It is the issue of power and control that makes relationships between teachers and students so problematic. In my experience, men who seek relationships with female subordinates--be they students or co-workers or whatever--almost always have domination and control issues. In a school setting, the adult male teacher--and it is almost always a male teacher, a few headline-grabbing exceptions notwithstanding--has a responsibilty to be the adult in the relationship and enforce appropriate boundries. Guys who say they just got carried away by "love" are full of it. It is really all about power.
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@Literate Barfly I totes am with you with the power/control piece! It freaks me out just a little when guys find the schoolgirl thing hot. When did doing an underage kid become sexy? Makes me very nervous. And angry.
@Literate Barfly I completely agree that men are looking for that woman to control, who hasn't experienced life and is looking for someone to lead them through it.
@Ravinrants you're so right the whole school girl thing being sexy is a tad perverse, because essentially they are looking for a way to think young girls are sexy by dressing up someone of age to look like a young girl.
Kids now a days are way to sexed up and are very forward about their crushes. But they aren't to blame because they do not know better, the adult has to be the one to say this is inappropriate.
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Great to see that there are other people that think this relationship is beyond wrong. The one aspect of of Lux's character that is becoming increasingly clear is that she consistently lies about everything. Other sites think that she is some wise teenager. What this show is teaching young people is that if you are quick enough, you can fool all those dumb adults. It's getting creepier all the time.
Anonymous I completely agree. I don't like that they're showing her getting away with this elaborate relationship with a teacher. I'm hoping that they eventually get caught and he gets in major trouble, not just leaves the show. They should show kids just how serious it is. Kids see this and think its not that bad as long as you're "in love" with the person.
Lux is supposed to have just turned 16 in the show. Eric, the teacher is 23. That's a seven year difference. I agree with your view that CW is romanticizing and glamorizing teacher/student relationships that are completely inappropriate in real life. Glamorized depictions of inappropriate relationships like this in pop culture don't just entertain us with scandalous storylines but also serve to desensitize people to what is actually quite a serious issue that often involves sexual or emotional abuse. As some people have mentioned already, the nature of these relationships are troubling specifically because of the imbalance of power. Of course a teacher is attractive to a young teenage boy or girl who is still developing both physically, (hormones anyone?) emotionally and mentally. They crave approval, attention and self-validation and fall in love easily. I think the reason it is typically girls who go for teachers may be because girls develop faster than boys and if all the boys their age are immature or otherwise undesirable then i suppose it's no wonder their young male teachers seem like a more attractive option. it's completely natural for a student to have feelings for a teacher. What is wrong however, is for that teacher to take advantage of these feelings by violating the boundary between an authority figure and a subordinate as there exists an imbalance of power and so the dynamic of the relationship is automatically favored toward the authority figure, making the subordinate (or student in this case) easily manipulated. That's essentially the nature of an abusive relationship and by glamorizing such a relationship, this show, it's portraying that kind of relationship as if it is acceptable and it's not. If we lived in a different kind of society, maybe it would be ok but we don't. In this society a teacher has a lot of power and influence over a student so having a romantic relationship with them is completely unacceptable in the interest of the student.
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