I Think I Am in Friend-Love With You

I Think I Am in Friend-Love With You

Sweet, might just be the best word to describe this book. When I agreed to review this book I didn't know what to expect. It's a very quick read filled with pictures and very few words. Clearly right up my alley! I wanted to read this book because I really loved the idea of friend-love and learning what it was all about. As short as this book is it's cute and really sends a great message of friendship.

We all have friends, and each of them means something different and unique to us. Some friends serve specific purposes in your life, whereas others are more well rounded and there for every twist and turn. This book celebrates friend-love, a totally platonic, yet super close friendship. I like that it promotes being happy for your friends when they have someone and supporting them.

This would be a great gift for a friend. I highly recommend checking I Think I am in Friend-Love With You out! The author, Yumi Sakugawa, is a comic book artist and illustrator. This is actually her first book. Kudos to Yumi, this was a really cute book.

Day 7 - Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

With 31 knocking on my door I definitely thought I would be in a relationship by now. I thought I would have felt love by now and experienced life with a great man. Things definitely have not turned out that way. Instead, I spent my 20s, and 30th year worry about career and working and trying to find happiness and balance there.

I'm missing love and marriage. That hasn't entered my picture yet and it's something that I truly want and need in my life.

It's hard to plan for life when you're constantly growing and changing. I know that in my almost 9 years in Chicago I have changed significantly as a person. For this very reason I try really hard not to compare what I have to what I want. There is too much of a bummer factor. I am a perfectionist and not being where I want is a downer. I do know that the progress I have made as a professional and as a person is more than I could have imagined in my young life. Sometimes what you want comes when you need it and not when you want it. I know love will come, it might just not be the right time yet.

Day 6 - Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”.

SAY WHAT?? I know I'm doing this blog challenge, but I cannot even imagine how this quote is something people genuinely believe. How can you even judge this. I have a feeling that no one ever has the love life they really want, female or male. There is always something else that we want or crave. If you love his smile and how he treats you, he may be horrible in the sack. This is coming from the girl that believes in true love. I don't think there is an exact about anything in life. Thinking that way is setting yourself up for major failure. You have to know the things that make you happy and find a person that fits that puzzle best.

Honestly, I am the EXACT opposite of having exactly what I want in my love life. I have no love life in fact. I want one. I want real, genuine, forever love with great chemistry and passion. I have stupid memories of an ex that still loom over my heart to make sure it's not completely healed. This is nothing close to exactly what I want.

The exact love life I want...wow I don't even know how to describe it. Single isn't it though ha. I know it would include me married in a successful marriage with a great man who made an effort to make me smile and laugh everyday. A guy who knew everything about me and could never get enough of me. Those are just a few of the things I'd need to have exactly the love life I wanted.

Day 5 - Biggest misconception people have about single life

For some reason, people look at the single life as this glamorous life with endless possibilities. They envision dating someone different every night. One problem, you cannot just date whoever you want. Single life doesn't come with sparklers and fireworks. Single life comes with just as many, if not way more challenges. Dating is relatively impossible. Ok, that is an exaggeration. What is impossible is finding someone you want to date. Sure I could go on a date every single night with pretty much all men I have no interest in. Some women do that to get free meals, I am not that girl. I will not use someone for a free meal. 

People act like single people answer to no one so we can do whatever we want when we want. I mean, to an extent sure but we still have jobs and responsibilities. I think the people who normally have this opinion are those who settled way too early and never really went through a real stage of dating. Your 20s are for dating. Marriage shouldn't be allowed till after 25 years old. You have to figure so much out about yourself before you're truly prepared to settle down. Learn about life. Single isn't glamorous, give it a try. Experience the life. Learn about yourself. 

Day 4 - Your biggest fear as a single person

My biggest fear as a single person is that it's not just temporary but a permanent problem. In no way shape or form, is being single forever acceptable in my mind. At least not for me. I want the love and marriage lifestyle. It freaks me out to no end to think that I can want that so badly but have absolutely no real control over making it happen. I mean I guess at some point I could settle but then I wonder would I be happier settling for something I don't want or staying alone. 

I'm also afraid that if and when I meet someone that it won't last. That I'll give my all, my years, my heart, my life and then it just ends someday. I'm frightened that "till death do us part", will be more like till we can't stand each other or he cheats. As you can see, my level of trust in love and relationships is rather low. I base this off past experiences. I am extremely afraid of being hurt by someone. I wear my heart on my sleeve and probably give too much of myself to someone too early but I don't know how else to be. I don't mean sexually btw...just in case your wheels started to spin. It's silly but I start to imagine what a future could look like. To me, without that picture I don't know if I can date someone. I need to be able to picture them fitting with my future. I fear that it's so easy to picture me being married and having this beautiful ceremony but it's impossible to picture who the man is. I know when it's right he'll reveal himself, but will it be too late? Will I have already given up or settled?

Day 3 - Describe a moment/day when being single rocked

Day 3 of the Single Woman's 30 Day Blogging Challenge - Describe a moment/day when being single ROCKED. 

It rocks when I don't have to explain myself or answer to anyone. Specifically when a Friday night plan turns into an entire weekend of fun with friends. Honestly, I'd say for the most part I'd trade in my single card in a moment for the right man. 

Day 2 - Describe a moment/day when being single sucked.

Day 2 of the Single Woman's 30 Day Blogging Challenge - Describe a moment/day when being single sucked. 

This weekend. I'm not sure why, but I was really feeling the stress and pressure of being single this weekend. Maybe because I was thinking about my 31st birthday which is coming in a month. I don't necessarily have any ticking time clocks but my god I do not want to end up single and alone in the long run. I would love to meet someone and start dating them this year. Maybe 31 will be good luck for me. My 30th was great for professional and friendship purposes. 

Anytime when I see others together really happy it bums me out slightly because I want to have that and experience it. Learn what it's like. I genuinely have no idea what it's like to go on an amazing date with a man who cares about me. Yikes, I guess being single sucks more often then I might even want to admit. 

30 Day Challenge - Day 1 - Why are you still single

I have had some major writers block matched with lack of free time lately. I came across this really cool Single Woman's 30 Day Blogging Challenge. I decided to give it a go. Not promising that the 30 day challenge will be 30 consecutive days, but let's see what I can do. 

So here goes....Why am I single?
I love me, more than I love the idea of finding a partner right now. Don't get me wrong I want to be in love and get married someday. I have always wanted love and marriage. Happily ever after, all that stuff. I blame the Cosby's. I'm even ready for it and would welcome it into my life. Here is the thing, I thought I was ready my entire life but when I turned 30 I realized I couldn't have become the person I am if I would have found Mr. Right earlier in life. I'm one of those women who gives someone my all when I'm dating them. When I was younger I use to let dating and relationships interfere with other things I had going on in life. I have always worked hard to grow professionally but the older I get the more involved I get and the more I grow as a person. I don't think I could have done that or pushed myself if I was with someone and focusing on them and making something work. I don't think it's bad to be a woman who gives a man her all. I do think it's important to find a balance, and I think I finally understand what that means.

There is something to be said for the old saying, that god has a plan for each of us. I'm not religious but I do believe there are powers beyond us that have certain plans in place for us. With that being said I know myself and I know that love in my 20s could have had the power to derail my career and my progress. I know this in part because my ex almost derailed me. I'm still not over him and have mini relapses of judgement where I remember "the good times" and conveniently forget the bad. When things with him ended I pushed myself to start my freelance work and to get involved in more things that made me happy. I built stronger friendships with the people who meant the most to me and got closer to great new friends. Stressing about him was no longer at the center of my world. We dated long distance and I would skip events or not attend events just to Skype with him at night. I just didn't know how to separate myself from a relationship in my 20s. 

Now that I'm 30, I'm ready. I'm comfortable knowing what I want professionally and knowing who I am. Almost 31, and still single because at this point in my life it is not about settling quickly. I like to say that the focus goes from Mr. Perfect to "Mr. Right for my life situation and goals". I continue to meet men who were like me in my 20s...just not there. Not sure of who they are, what they want or how to treat a woman. I'll pass. There was even a man older than me who wanted me to be patient while he got his life together. Although I considered it because he was a good guy I realized I have to stop sacrificing my happiness by wasting time. When do I get the fun romantic dates that other girls get regularly.  I deserve it, so it's time to find it and stop making pit stops on the way with men who only occupy time. 

If you'd like to learn more about the type of man I'm looking for and how I feel about dating checklists please checkout SecretLivesChi.com a brand new singles blog I co-founded. Happy reading.

Online Dating - Can Women Make Moves Too?

How is it that online dating still has a relatively large stigma attached to it? It's 2013, a third of couples getting married met online. Lets all get over it. Shake it off. It is just online dating. Do not be embarrassed that your Mr./Mrs. Right didn't just fall off the turnip truck. Effort isn't a bad thing. People aren't meeting in grocery stores and at church as much as they use to. By the way, in the history of love did anyone really ever meet at the grocery store? I don't believe it. I want proof.

Today, there is a dating site for everyone - paid, free, straight, gay, second time around, and even sugar babies. I know about that one because my co-worker use to look at it (you know who you are). I'm sure somewhere out there there is a dating site for people who are gluten free. There really is a site for every type of person. Not only websites but now things like groupers exist and apps where you can swipe through potentials.

Here is maybe my biggest issue with people and online dating. Women who sign up for online dating sites and even pay for it but REFUSE to ever say hi to a man or even "flirt" or "wink" whatever the case may be. I do not understand the concept. Oh wait, there is more. These same women will complain that not enough men are contacting them. At this point I normally wonder if their parents dropped them when they were children. I completely agree that a man should take charge and event court a woman BUT to get to that point he has to meet you. There are thousands of people on dating sites, especially in big cities. Why not say hi to a guy who looks like a great fit. Spark a conversation. Don't worry that does not mean you have to propose and buy the ring. The weird thing is that I see this mainly with older friends who are still single. Break out of your shell. If things haven't worked your way yet, give something else a try. If you absolutely hate trying it then don't do it a second time.

I personally think a great match for everyone is out there. Maybe several. I don't think they all have to be in our backyard or just so happen to see you first and say hi to you first. If you want love and happily ever after and all that wonderful stuff put yourself out there more and maybe even say hi to someone first. It doesn't hurt. I mean no one likes when someone is not interested back but geez its online its not like it was a face to face rejection. Nut up ladies.

If you're one of these women I want to understand why? What is the harm in a hi to get the conversation started? You could be missing out on a wonderful catch. 

Swipe...Scam or Brilliant

Yesterday I got the weirdest text message asking me to check out a picture. The catch was that first I had to download some app. First and foremost, I'm nosey so it all sounded like a grand idea. Of course I had to figure out what this picture was. I download this app called, Swipe. Come to find out there is no picture but this is just a tricky way for some company that somehow got my number to get me to download their app.

Shady, but somehow smart because now I keep playing with this app. It is just like Tinder which I have heard a lot about but not used. You just swipe through photos and you give them the X or a heart. Oddly entertaining. If people are a match they message you. I'll get bored and delete it soon but for now this company that somehow stole my phone number has gained my interest.

If you are completely bored and want to get your swipe on then go download it.

Marriage Equality

Something I saw on Facebook earlier today got me thinking. The post was an engagement ring photo, posted by an old high school classmate. Immediately, I was happy for her! I don't keep in touch with old high school friends but Facebook keeps me in the know. Anyhow, I noticed she is engaged to a woman. My sentiments of happiness for her didn't change one bit when realizing that. In fact, I was really happy she is out,  happy and gets a rocking ring.

This post made me think about her and my other friends from high school. No one knew she was gay (at least no one said anything if they did). Not even sure if she knew. I honestly cannot remember one person in my high school being openly gay. I was in high school from 97-01, were people still scared then or was it a small town thing? Small town mentalities very greatly from major cities. I personally have my own dating preference that I use to always get joked with about. I have always only dated black men and some of my friends, specifically men, made a lot of jokes about it. Are kids in small schools more critical of each other?

This brings me to the topic of this blog, took awhile didn't it.  Marriage equality. It is something I feel very strongly about. I have no doubt in my mind that everyone deserves true love and that love deserves a chance to be recognized legally. Not to mention that with marriage comes so many benefits that many of us don't think of or take for granted. I have read endless articles about gay couples losing everything and not having rights if something happens to a loved one. Can you imagine being with someone for 20 years, losing them and then not even being able to attend the funeral? I can't, in fact it disgusts me. When forming an opinion make sure you know the facts. Know how this can effect the people involved. There is a great fact sheet you can check out here. I also encourage you to check out this great website to see what the current status of Marriage Equality is in each of our states.

We as a society need to stop being so judgmental. It's not our place to say who can love each other and who cannot. There are so many more pressing issues we can busy ourselves with. Here in Chicago I think we could worry about how 500+ people were murdered last year. Unfortunately, instead of worrying about that the government would rather stall on passing marriage equality. I know that someday marriage equality will be everywhere. When that day is, is up in the air. I hope for the sake of all the amazing people who deserve to get married but cannot that that day is soon!

Accepting a lie is accepting your own defeat

Accepting a liars lies is like accepting your own defeat. Don't let someone beat you by letting them lie to you. -Nycole aka me 

For the most part we have all been hurt before by someone we loved or cared for deeply. Whether that person be a significant other, family member or friend. Whether or not someone has the ability to hurt us depends on whether or not we give that person power to do so. I've been thinking about this a lot yesterday because I had quite the text blow out with an ex after believing some things he told me about the future and wanting to try again but then finding stuff online which obviously showed he was not so sincere. 

Sometimes I think we let people lie to us because we hope and pray that they don't really mean it or it's just a one time thing. But at what point does the one time mistake get old when you continue to use that excuse for a liar. I think I've let people lie to me because I take some blame for the reason they're lying. It is not the brightest thing I have done but I am not perfect and I have chosen to believe someone who says they care but shows the opposite.  After doing much thinking I realized I didn't miss this actual person or want that actual person back in my life I just wanted the feeling that I use to feel when I was with them. Sometimes people can be replaceable but the feeling is the one we need to fight for and look for in someone else.

I personally do not understand why people lie to those that they tell they love. What is the point of uttering those words if they are just a lie or a cover up? Why are people so afraid to stand alone in life that they hurt other just to keep them there while they plan their next move? It's not acceptable and I think people should take responsibility for the pain they cause others.

We as people need to be stronger and not accept the lies we know people are telling us. Even if its a tiny lie about where they were or why they are late, there is a reason they are lying. Most likely it leads to something much bigger that could break you if and when you find it out. We have to leave relationships as winners even if it hurts like hell in the moment. It's better to take momentary pain then permanent scaring. 

Before I die...

Before I die....

how would you finish that sentence?

1. Get married. 
2. Experience true love.
3. Make a difference in the lives of others. 
4. See my nephew grow up. 
5. See my family a lot more. 
6. Get out of the country and see what is out there. 
7. Own a home.
8. Save money so that I can retire.
9. Write a book.
10. Work for Facebook or Twitter.

What would you say??

Do people really want their ex's to be happy?

I'm pretty sure if you asked a room full of men and women this question you'd probably get responses split down the middle. Personally I think everyone deserves happiness in their lives, even my ex's. I think they deserve to find happiness, even though for one reason or another they didn't end up making me happy. The thing is our ex's move on from our lives to make room for us to find the right one. I truly believe people enter our lives for a reason, sometimes it's to help us learn and sometimes its to cause hurt so we can become stronger. Either way, each relationship is a lesson to be learned if we pay close attention.

Maybe the bigger question should be whether or not we would be happy for an ex if they moved on and became happy. There is a major difference between being happy for someone and wanting them to be happy. I absolutely want my ex's to be happy but there will always be that part of me that thinks of all the mistakes they made that made me cry so why would I want to be happy for them. In the end I want my ex's to find happiness and because they are a part of my past I usually don't involve myself with their present. I can't say that I keep any of my ex's around as close friends because I realized it's better to learn and grow then learn and stay in the same place. Everything about my life is all about moving on and being better with each step. I don't really keep much of the past in the present for that reason. I don't really know how to respect people who spent energy lying to me. I don't think it's worthwhile. I have friends who keep close relationships with ex's and I absolutely don't understand. In fact I think it makes them look like the victim sometimes, like someone got the best of them. Maybe that's really what it is. I won't let someone make a fool of me or make me feel like hell and then give them the opportunity to be a friend. With all that said I do want everyone to find their own happiness, we all deserve it.

Internet cheating...what are the rules?

When I was younger, about 21 years old, right after I graduated college I spent a lot of time in Columbus, Ohio staying with a friend of mine (thanks Jacci). I wanted to job hunt and really just party and enjoy life. I spent way more time partying and enjoy life then doing anything else. There were weeks where I would be partying every day.

Anyhow I definitely digress from the blog topic. While I was down there I met this guy online who seemed really cool and was from there so we had plans to hang out. We hung out and totally hit it off and clicked. He was a really cool guy and would come to my friends house where I was staying to bring me breakfast and just hang out. He would also come up to the bar where another friend of mine and I would get drinks. His schedule was flexible and he seemed to be around whenever I asked him to be. I really took a major interest in this guy...UNTIL...I found out he was married. Please keep in mind I did not know this for at least a few months into us hanging out. He completely kept it a secret from me, I was mortified. I had been spending a lot of time with this man and he just decided to spring it on me that he was married.

SO HERE IS THE REAL TOPIC: I don't think that people (men especially) consider relationships online or people they meet from online to be cheating. Men are out there creating second lives and believing them and dating like they are single. I've accidentally dated two married men in my life. Both kept their rings off and did not act like they had to be home at a certain time.What is the rule, is there one? Is internet dating taken us by storm so quickly and become so mainstream that we didn't have time to lay down the law about what was right and wrong? Married men who may have never cheated before, or maybe just looked at porn can now create a new "life" online and make new friends based on the person he is pretending to be.

I personally think if you're married or in a relationship then you need to be honest and need to be faithful. If you're not happy then its time to break it off. I don't care if you're married, this is what divorce is for. Give me a break, be a grown up and get a divorce if you want to go play around like a 20 something kid. Is it just me or is this happening a lot these days?

Current Celebrity Crushes

If you follow my blog you know I'm boy crazy. Here are the two current men who hold my crush ;)

Soccer hottness- Oguchi Onyewu

Serious...this dude is beautiful lol!!

Drake

Not gonna lie, I've loved him since Degrassi. He looks so sweet.

Settling and getting stuck

This topic comes to mind after having a conversation with an ex-boyfriend. He was actually a guy I dated in high school, who I haven't spoke with in years. I was 17 years old and he was 21 if I remember right, saucy huh. Anyhow, as soon as we broke up he started dating this other girl, who I believe already had a child. I was definitely over him pretty quickly, but I always felt bad because I always felt like he wasn't happy with the girl. I hate seeing friends unhappy in relationships. It feels like you're losing someone you care about to some type of conformity. Like they think it's some sort of "time" to settle down. Then there are others that settling down just happens to, mainly because kids enter the mix. Anyhow, this guy is in his early 30s now, unmarried with the same woman from 10 years ago, they have three kids together and one of hers from before. 

I feel so bad for people who are stuck. But really are we ever stuck or are we just afraid of facing reality? I hate when people put themselves in situations knowing they are settling for less then they want and deserve. A good friend of mine recently told me she is considering dating a man who is rude and mean to her because he has family money and she needs to hurry and have kids. I told her she is so much better than that and she should find happiness. Why would someone voluntarily settle? I admit I have a sincere fear of being alone and would hate to end up without someone. I do not know if I would end up settling though just to avoid it. Settling seems so sad. What if while you settled Mr./Mrs. Right came by and you were already stuck? 

I also think a  lot of people settle because dating is so frustrating. Maybe it's just me that thinks that dating is frustrating but it really is. I mean you go out on date and after date and meet people who all have their own story that they are crafting so that you'll like them and many times it is only to get something from you. I am pretty frustrated when it comes to dating because I hate being lied to, it just seems so pointless. Not only that but I am known for wearing my heart on my sleeve, and it has taken some serious hits over the past few years. Part of me wants to stop trying because it's exhausting, but I don't want to settle with being alone either.


Why do people settle?

We want what we can't have

It is totally true that we want what we cannot have. At least it is true in my case. I do not know if it is my competitive nature or what is it. Maybe a need to prove that I can do it. Either way...what the hell am I thinking. There is one guy, yeah just one that I have always wanted but he is at the tip of my fingers. Not completely gone, but never completely here. I often think, what would I do if I got what I thought I wanted. It would never work we are entirely different and have nothing in common. So even though I know this, I still cannot get over it. It is like I do not want to take the loss or something. I have that winning is everything attitude and it is rearing its evil head here too.

Why do we lie to each other?

I've spent a good deal of my life trying to please others and putting other people first, especially their feelings. A white lie here, a major lie there, it just seems so natural. I know I'm not alone on this, but the older I get the thought of lying just got old. I hate being lied to, and I use to always think some lies were ok to protect others. I'm not saying I'm going to completely stop protecting people by "skirting" around the truth, aka lying but I just don't think hiding stuff is worth it.

I think one of the biggest places lying comes into play unfortunately is in relationships. It starts from the beginning. If you say you'll call and don't or if you say you want to hang out again and don't. The worst is once you're in a relationships and lies about where you are start. I feel like so much time could be saved if we were more honest in relationships. I'm 27 years old, and really open to something serious and long term. There is no point to date just cause. If a guy doesn't have potential for the future then I think going our separate ways is fine. Better to have a few hurt feelings then a broken heart down the line.

Why cheat? What is wrong with these women making money by cheating?

This whole Tiger Woods thing has me thinking about two big things; why do men cheat, and why do women cheat with high profile men and then feel it's ok to capitalize off of it?

Why do men cheat? Let me start here, honestly people in general. What is the purpose of marrying someone to turn around and cheat on them? Let's speak specifically about high profile athletes and celebs first. These men travel all the time, and see the opportunities as being easy and quick. They just do and don't think.On the other hand there are regular men who cheating and who aren't traveling or living extravagant lives. There is a difference between the two. High profile men are essentially hunted by women who are trying to have the experience of sleeping with them. Regular men aren't always hunted, a lot of times they're the hunters, or it's just circumstance. Is either more wrong then the other? I think cheating is just wrong, especially when you're married. You stand up before god and take vows then lay down with someone else, it just seems unimaginable. I sure hope when I get married my husband never does it, and if he chooses to be with other women then he should just ask for a divorce. Honestly men who can't be with just one woman shouldn't get married in the first place!! 


I was watching the Khloe Kardashian wedding earlier on my computer and I couldn't help but hope the best for the girl whose married to an NBA player, but in the same breathe I couldn't help but wonder when he'll start cheating. It'd be so interesting to know how many athletes have actually stayed faithful to the women they're with. Do these women who have cheating athlete husbands actually think their husbands are being faithful. After what happened to Steve McNair you'd think some of these athletes would have gotten their shit together and now Tiger Woods drama came out. Each and every one of them thinks they'll get away with it.


As a single woman who still believes in happily ever after, all of this frightens me. Am I just being foolish, should I give up hope now on having happily ever after? After all more then 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Finding a good guy first and foremost is worse then finding a needle in a 1000 mile long hay stack, so then once you find him you have to hope he's not sneaking behind your back.



So here is the other side of the issue, what kind of women are these who are cheating with these high profile men simply to make a buck off of them in the end? First of all they're cheating with a man whose married, they're believing whatever BS he has to tell them about how he's not happy, or they might not even need an excuse, they just need to know who he is. These women are risking their futures for 15 minutes of fame and payoffs from gossip magazines to get them through to long term success. Are they not considering that after we're done reading OK magazine for a few months they'll become irrelevant and a laughing stock in all professional worlds. What would make someone risk everything to be someones side whore?



I'm disappointed that affairs are really this huge in the media, do we really care that much that Tiger Woods has slept with a lot of desperate women who just want money? I know I sure as hell don't care. Do we care that his wife won't leave him, because all she ever was was a nanny and she won't have much without him especially if the prenup is tight. 


An interesting thought is that if these high profile men REALLY wanted to go out and do their thing on the side why would he continue to choose women with nothing. Those women have the most to gain. Go do your side thing with women who have everything they need, they're the least threatening. Why choose a waitress, nanny, cheerleader, they've got everything to gain from a man messing up and leaving evidence.

This is just wrong lol...but hey don't mess with the wrong women!! HILARIOUS!!